These are very anecdotal please feel free to look at it with a critical eye.
So, here it goes
- Be there- Sometimes help is just having a listening pair of ears. Maybe the person wants to vent/cry or stay in bed and do nothing for a while. There is a feeling of unworthiness that creeps in with depression, so it might be hard for them to reach out, someone simply being there could ease that quite a bit.
- outside in approach- It is quite tricky trying to understand the inner workings of another human, especially when someone is going through depression- which is a difficult thing to be put into words- in this case, an approach to help them outside in could be a tangible first step
- Are they skipping meals? Chances are very high that they are resorting to some form of disordered eating, so it would be helpful to have a wholesome meal once in a while or going out with them to have a good meal together.
- Helping them sort out their finances– This is a tricky conversation to have with our loved ones, albeit an essential one at times. Having to worry constantly about meeting one’s daily expenses can be an additional and strong stresser when trying to get healthier. That does not mean blindly giving them money, but if the person is not in a position to work and is in a financial crisis, we can try to find help from local mental health charities/ friends and relatives who could help.
- Try to be kinder than you have to be. Because a person might seem completely fine on the outside but we can never know what is going on inside them if they don’t want us to know.
- Try not to assume that you know what they are feeling. Every person is different and there might be a lot of reasons contributing to the depression that they are experiencing, so, phrases like ‘I know exactly how you are feeling’ might not be of help
- Ask them questions- That doesn’t mean overwhelm them with harmful ‘Why are depressed?’ sort of questions but questions like How are you today? Have you been sleeping well? or How can I help? They might not be able to give a clear answer but at least it shows that you care to know.
- Even the smallest of tasks can be overwhelming to a person going through depression, this is an area where we can help a lot. It may be trying to help find a therapist or helping with a search for an online resource
- Give them time- Time passes differently then, so just let them get there on their pace.
- Please refrain from giving quick fixes– I believe you when you say yoga has saved your life or that meditation is what is giving you your strength or that you did beat depression only through running/ physical activities. All of that does help, we are not debating that here, but let them take it at their own pace, it helps get started by encouraging short outdoor walks or activities that do not require so much energy and perhaps help them stick with it.
- Different things work for different people– Telling an introverted person to go out to party the blues out of you might not be helpful.
- Make sure they are going to therapy appointments and taking medication if they have to, maybe offer to accompany them if they find it helpful.
- Try to make only educated opinions on medication. There is a lot of fear and misinformation and stigma around it already. Even if it doesn’t align with your personal views on mental health, when a psychiatrist and the person in question decide a course of treatment involving psychiatric drugs, RESPECT that.
- It might not be the appropriate time to preach the need for gratitude or for tough love or blanket phrases such as positivity is a choice. All of us have different sort of resources at our disposal, so the seemingly strong reaction they are having to something small might have a lot of factors contributing to it.
- It is not about us- If we aren’t someone experienced in this area, it is easy to feel insufficient or be overwhelmed thinking of ways to help a person going through depression, but like all things, we simply can learn to be of help. Still, it is not that WE should help them, it is that they should get help in any possible way. So if our role involves guiding them to someone else, please do not hesitate.
- Don’t be hard on yourself- Your health is also important and we can all make mistakes, so please don’t stop helping someone because you once said a wrong thing.
- Take good care of yourself: It is difficult to see your loved one in so much pain and not being able to do anything about it, it isn’t your fault .
What are some of the things that have helped you?